Managers keep a lot of secrets from you—not necessarily intentionally, and rarely ever maliciously. They are of your immediate purview, and many times, for various reasons, they hold back from sharing these things.
“Many things are beyond my control, but I can’t share them with you.”
As you are aware there is an organisational hierarchy: money goes up and shit goes down. At times managers overplay their cards and the influence they have in decision-making around your promotions and other areas of their role because ultimately they do not have the power and authority that either you think they do, they think they do or they believe they want/are deserving of. However, they can not tell you that as that would adversely affect the dynamic in your relationships between them.
“I am uncomfortable talking to you about promotion.”
Most managers hate talking about promotions, but often, they have a very specific reason. In many organizations, promotion is a black box, even for managers. They are often afraid to make you an implicit promise they can’t keep, and they would rather say nothing than be wrong.
On the other hand, sometimes managers don’t talk about promotion because they know you’ll be disappointed by the answer. I have been in this situation multiple times: my reports often excelled in their roles, but they lacked the skills they needed to progress. They weren’t ready, but they also weren’t ready to hear that they weren’t ready. This put me in a really difficult position.
I wish managers were more upfront about these things, but I can also understand their reluctance. These uncomfortable conversations can make the relationship feel very fraught, so a lot of managers just avoid them rather than confront them.
“Your career success is not top of mind for me.”
It’s important to remember that this is not personal. Most managers have multiple reports on their plate. It can be a challenge to juggle that alongside their day-to-day responsibilities. Unfortunately, what ends up being neglected is often their focus on your career success. They aren’t intentionally ignoring your growth; rather, they are trying to manage everything that’s coming their way.
Managers, for all their strengths, are not superhuman. Even the best boss has a limited amount of time and bandwidth, which is why you are responsible for your success. Yes, a manager can be a great guide and support, but that is not a given. Being proactive and taking the reins of your career will be critical to your long-term growth. That means advocating for yourself and working alongside your manager to move in the direction you want to go.
Don’t wait for someone else to do something for you when you have more control—and more incentive—to do it yourself.
“I don’t keep track of what you do on a day-to-day basis.”
Most of the time, when I’ve managed people, I’ve had half a dozen or more reports. Again, it can be really hard to keep track of what everyone is doing on a day-to-day basis.
We tend to assume that our managers know everything about what’s going on with our work. But our work probably makes up only a small fraction of their mindshare. That’s why you must be prepared to answer questions, fight for resources, and unblock yourself when necessary…
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