As social animals, we crave acceptance from others.

We don’t need everyone to like and accept us, but we do need some people to do so. That’s why we invest in friendships, participate in groups, and build relationships with our colleagues.

While each of us excels in connecting with people in some ways, we struggle in others. Perhaps we don’t give off a good first impression. Perhaps we find ourselves in heated discussions with new friends. Perhaps we find it difficult to showcase our personality in big groups.

Connecting with other people is a skill, and through being honest with our challenges and intentional in our efforts to overcome those challenges, we can improve.

Improving in this area is well worth the effort. Because in getting better at understanding, communicating with, and relating to other people, our quality of life will improve. We’ll develop healthier relationships, build more rewarding careers, and navigate the world more easily.

The 3 Most Helpful Principles

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Become genuinely interested in other people.
3. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

The advice in How to Win Friends and Influence People can seem a little too simple to be true, but there’s a reason the book has done so well over the decades. Being open, friendly, and honest is the easiest and most effective way to win people over. So, the next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable social setting—a very likely possibility as the holidays near—use it as a chance to test drive some of these techniques. You might surprise yourself!